all those resolutions gone down the drain.
sometimes i hate myself for doing this.
miss the balloons ive released into the sky.
miss the colours of them, miss their nice texture
these mindless little things that brought me joy
and i had to let them go
cos theyve become a burden
when you try so hard
to hold on to them, to keep them with you
and one day you realise its not gonna happen
so i pretended i din care anymore
and let them float away into the vast sky
and still i watched from a distance
and wondered if i could get them back
if i tried hard enough
but twice the pain of loss deters.

sometimes i feel so lost
when everyone arnd are like... engaged in stuff that are "correct"
and pple come asking me, what are you doing?
and i dont know.
like, what am i doing to prepare for prelims now?
what do i foresee myself doing in few years time?
and what is my future ambitions and such?
well,
i dont know.
and it scares me to see how so many pple have it all planned out already.

sometimes i wish i were in like, N T, and i dont have to care about such stuff.
i'll just go along my life probably unquestioned, accept things happily, and not think so much.
maybe.
and i dont know if im ever gonna be satisfied with it or wad,
or even if i will consider its pleasure and stuff.
or that id jsut go ahead with the STANDARD path assigned.
and be another faceless person.

but i know i cant live with that.